You’re going WHERE???!!??!!

If you live somewhere in San Francisco where cab drivers dont want to go there are a few things you can do to get a ride home easily every time….

1.  ALWAYS BE UP FRONT with the cab driver about where you are going BEFORE you get in

2.  BE POLITE: if you ask “will you take me…” or “do you have time to take me…”.   When you ask like that we know that you are going to actually be grateful for the ride out to John Muir Drive and tip like a human being.

3.  DONT BE SNEAKY. One stop 10 blocks away and the next (surprise!!) in Daly City at 155am on Saturday night, this will usually end up in you walking….  Sneak Attack = dirty feet, torn nylons and broken high heels

4.  DO NOT  try to BARGAIN with the cab driver over the fare at any point.   It won’t work and makes you look like a cheap SOB, the meter and a tip is sufficient (excepting the 150% meter rides).

5.  The number of passengers is determined by the number of seatbelts, THIS IS THE LAW. I dont give a shit if you and your 6 smelly girlfriends are going to Berkeley.  (BTW: that does not qualify as a “good ride”.)

6.  SOBER UP A LITTLE, KILL TIME.  If you or anyone who looks like they are with you is vomiting/has the spins/seeing double/can’t keep pants on/peeing themselves/can’t stand  up and you want to go to 45th and Wawona after the night out at the club…  Just hit any all night diner and get some greasy crap food in the wasted ones  (give them some time to vomit it back up) and hang till 3am then you will be able to flag any cab down to take you home.   NOTE: a bag of Jack in the Box to be eaten in the cab does not count.

7.  STOP LOOKING DESPERATE. The polite hand in the air and a nod in our direction is plenty to indicate that you need a ride.  Jumping in front of my cab waving your arms is going to get you killed and really fuck everyones night up, and it means you are going exactly where I dont want to go, SO STAY ON THE CURB.

8.  PAY ATTENTION to the available light on the top of the cab it’s there for a reason.   ON = FOR HIRE/ON CALL ;   OFF = HIRED.

8a. When you yell obcenities at me and flip me off as I am pulling past you to drop someone off, when my light goes on again its not for you douchebag.

9.  DON’T PASS OUT. If you are going to 37th and Noriega from Ruby Skye at 2am and pass out, not only will you get a rude awakening by the police, your wallet will likely be emptied and you definitely wont be sleeping with Fluffy and/or Spot in your warm comfy bed.

10.  TIP GENEROUSLY. Two dollars on a ride to Park Merced is not a tip, it’s an insult.  Consider the fact that a ride to the deep Sunset, Excelsior, Ingleside, Forest Hill, or Park Merced is going to be a money loser for the cab driver almost no matter what so tip AT LEAST 25%-30% if its between 11pm and 3am.  (We can tell when you are going to tip well so dont waste your time trying to fool us.)

Getting a cab is all just common sense and good behavior. The cab is our office and if we invite you in please respect that space and our time.  The cab driver does not want to refuse a fare or throw you out,  we actually want to help you get to where you are going because that means money in our pocket,  so don’t touch stuff,  do anything you wouldn’t want your kids to do in the backseat of your car, follow the guidelines above and you will find that suddenly you always have a cab to take you home to BFE when you need it.  Good luck out there and remember to always take a genuine SAN FRANCISCO TAXICAB.

(NOTE: For those of you who live in Sunnydale, don’t even bother going home till the sun comes up, then get on craigslist and find a place anywhere else.  That is unless you are a broke ganbanger living in the hood, in that case take a towncar and leave the driver behind wondering where his car went.)

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